


What Am I Without You?

by nvmsl



Series: The Art of War (Nejiten) [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Death, F/M, Firsts, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:20:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22139977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nvmsl/pseuds/nvmsl
Summary: ***ANGSTY!! WOOT WOOT don't read if you don't like angsty stuff***Tenten hated a lot of things before Neji came along and changed her life. She never like birds or the sound of chirping in the mornings or hand to hand combat because she couldn’t use much ninjutsu or practice outdoors or the rain or the clouds because they blocked out the sun or ramen noodles because she was convinced that because they tasted so good they had to be unhealthy, and God, she hated, hated, hated leaving her hair down because it made her look like an evil ghost instead of a normal, pretty girl. And when her mother, her last living relative, died in front of her own eyes, Tenten swore her world turned the slightest bit monochrome and broke a little, just as her heart did.Suddenly, Neji was loving her, and everything was changing; the sky was turning from grey to blue, Ino’s flower shop was looking more and more like an oil painting with hundreds of shades of color, and the local magpies’ wings were looking less like black and more like blue.But then, he was just... gone.--It's been two years since the Fourth Great Kuniochi War. Neji's gone, Tenten's jogging, and the memories are hitting hard.
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Neji/Tenten, Nara Shikamaru/Temari, Sai/Yamanaka Ino
Series: The Art of War (Nejiten) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593565
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	What Am I Without You?

**Author's Note:**

> ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> A few things to keep in mind about this story: 
> 
> 1) I deeply recommend listening to the song that this story is written around before actually reading this story. Take a look at the lyrics first. The songs "What Am I", by Why Don't We. 
> 
> 2) It's still set in the actual Naruto Konoha world, just imagine that they got a bit more advance a bit more ahead of time. Therefore, 
> 
> 3) When Tenten is 6 years old, there's already trains and train platforms, and 
> 
> 4) When Tenten is 20 years old, as she is in this story, the basic phone has already been invented, and people can play music. Imagine an mp3 player, but it's also a phone too. 
> 
> 5) Earbuds have also been invented, to go along with the phones. 
> 
> 6) Tenten no longer has training sessions in the morning with Lee and Gai. The three of them have not trained at their usual spot since Neji died. Therefore, jogging replaces the daily sessions. 
> 
> 7) In this story, Neji and Tenten first meet when they are 6. The next time they meet is when they are 12; that's when team 9 is made. They official begin dating when they are 17, and Neji proposes at when they are both 18, maybe a month or two before the war begins. 
> 
> That should be it for now. Hope you enjoy.

**_What Am I Without You?_ **

It was a cloudy autumn day, and the leaves drifted to the ground, creating layers of crunch under her shoes as she walked to the corner of the block, ready to start her daily jog. She was wearing light wear, a pair of sweatpants and a thin, long-sleeved shirt. Her phone was tucked neatly into an arm wrap, and her sandals were tightened securely. There was nothing else that was on her or that she was wearing, other than a simple, plain gold ring that rested on her ring finger. 

The Konoha weapons mistress sighed as she began her stretches. 

Tenten had never been much of a runner, but she'd been slacking with exercise. Her daily sparring practice sessions with her teammates were no longer in place, ever since Neji... 

_No_ , her mind shut down her thoughts quickly. _Not today._

Tenten sighed once again, stretching her arms and legs a little. She took out her phone, connected her earbuds, and tuck them into her ears. Unable to decide on a song, she pressed shuffle and decided to let fate do the choosing. Tenten broke out into an easy jog as the music began to play. 

As soon as the first line was sung, Tenten felt a cold fist wrap around her heart. It was a cover of the original song, sung much slower with an acoustic guitar and by a female, but the feelings that hit Tenten at the moment felt the same as before. 

_I should change the song,_ she thought, but hesitated. _No, I have to get over it_. And so she listened on.

**_I met him on a Monday evening_ **

Tenten couldn’t help but smile wistfully at the memory, adjusting her earbuds a little speeding up her jog a little. 

**_He was standing outside of the park and ride_ **

The first time she’d met Neji was indeed on a Monday evening at the train station; she was 6 years old, waiting with her mother to greet her aunt. She and her mother were holding up a poster that said, “Welcome home Oba-san!”scrawled on it in Tenten’s uneven handwriting. When the train arrived, people flooded onto the platform and somewhere in the chaotic crowd, the poster ripped, Tenten was separated from her mom, and she began bawling. 

**_And I said, Hey there, where you been?_ **

\- Flashback -

A young boy with palest white eyes she’d ever seen came up to her and gave her a hug. 

Little Tenten, shocked by the sudden contact, didn’t make a move. 

**_Been looking for a person like you for all my life_ **

_Why are you crying?_ The boy asked. _My mom always tells me to hug my cousin Hinata-chan when she’s crying. She always stops crying when I hug her,_ he said softly, his wide eyes pale, but shimmering when he pulled back. Tenten, in her shock, had also stopped crying. The boy’s face lit up when he noticed that Tenten was no longer crying. _Look, Tousan! It worked!_ The boy turned back to say to someone. Tenten wiped her eyes and looked up to see a man— with a Hidden Leaf headband covering his forehead— weaving through the crowd with a concerned frown on his face. 

_Neji! Where— Oh, who is this?_ The man’s eyebrows rose in surprise as he met Tenten’s eyes. 

Tenten gaped in surprise at the milky white eyes of the man. She had never seen anyone with such white eyes, and here she was, meeting two of them! The man must have been the boy’s father, she concluded. 

_Father, look! She was crying and I hugged her and she stopped! It worked!_ The boy said brightly, almost a little proudly. 

_I see._ The man came to the front of Tenten and crouched down to be at eye level with her. _And what’s your name, little lady?_

**_And he said, Darling, talk to me,_ **

Tenten sniffled a little, and the boy flashed her a bright smile, encouraging her. _T-Tenten._

The man smiled softly. _Alright, nice to meet you Tenten! My name is Hizashi, you can call me Uncle if you want._

The young boy cut in as well, _And I’m Neji!_

Hizashi continued, _Where're your parents?_

I don’t know, _I’m l-lost and I can’t find m-my ma_ ,” Tenten wiped at her eyes. 

Neji immediately replied, _Don’t worry! We can help find her!_ before turning to his father and saying, _Right, father?_

Hizashi sighed with a small smile on his face. _That’s right we can. But you’re going to be the one apologizing to your mother for being late this time._

Neji pouted a little before pointing a finger at his father. _Meanie!_

At that, Tenten giggled, and both father and son looked back to her in surprise. 

Hizashi rose to his full height and extended his hand to Tenten. _Alright, let’s go find your mother now, Tenten_. Tenten took Hizashi’s right hand in her left, and Neji was suddenly at her right side, taking her right hand.

 **_Before I have to leave_ **

_Just in case, so you won’t get lost,_ he said cheerfully. 

It took a couple of minutes for the station to settle down and for the passengers to clear out a bit. Eventually, the three of them found Tenten’s mother and aunt at the stairs of the platform, calling her name anxiously. 

**_And one day we could be_ **

At the time, Tenten didn’t understand why her mother had thanked Hizashi so much and bowed so deeply to express her thanks. But later on, she would realize that Hizashi was of the Hyuga clan and that Neji was Neji Hyuga, nephew of the Hyuga clan leader, Hiashi Hyuga… 

\- Flashback ends -

Tenten smiled at the memory, remembering that she didn’t see Neji for another six years, but somehow, she had always remembered his name and his face, even though six years was enough time for Neji’s hair to grow out, his face to lose its roundness, his height to grow, and a Hitai-ate to cover up his forehead. 

**_Maybe more than two lost souls just passing by_ **

_Two lost souls, huh._ Tenten chuckled at the irony. She and Neji had never been lost to each other. Sure, she might have gotten lost a few times here and there on her own but it had nothing to do with Neji. They’d found each other at a young age. It was truly just the fact that the universe wasn’t on their side. 

She thought back in time as she turned onto a slightly busier street. The music played in her ears as she waved to a few people that she always saw on her daily run; the old woman who would always be watering her plants, the young genin boy who always stopped to feed the stray dog, and some of the other neighbors. Her legs were starting to feel the familiar burn as she rounded another corner. When was the first time she truly began caring for Neji? 

**_Knew I was falling when I looked inside your eyes_ **

Was it that day that he helped her find her mom? The first time they argued as friends and she accidentally hurt herself with her kunai in her anger, and he ran to her side with apologies falling from his lips? The time when Temari beat her at the Chunin exams and Neji shared some of his healing balms with her, telling her that her technique had been perfect and that Temari was just lucky to win? Maybe it was over a week, from the first time that she saw him fall sick and nursed him back to health, even though she knew nothing about medicine and even less about the supposed healing powers of chicken noodle soup. 

**_He said, "I know you are, but what am I?"_ **

Tenten paused her jogging to catch her breath and blink away the tears that were threatening to fall. 

When was the first time she truly realized how she felt for Neji? She couldn’t tell, but she knew that he had loved her long before she had realized her feelings for him. Tenten thought back to the first time that she told Neji that she loved him. Her feet began to move again, carrying her thoughts back into the past. 

\- Flashback - 

It was late April, and they had been sitting under a cherry blossom tree, a couple of hours after their daily sparring session. Lee had run off to train with Gai Sensei, leaving Tenten and Neji alone with the company of each other. 

Neji wasn’t much of a talker, but Tenten had grown used to it. They were both 17 and had properly known each other for years now. He didn’t need to speak, because, in Tenten’s mind, his presence was enough to make up for the silence in his brief conversations. 

They had been sitting there in silence, the only sound that could be heard was Tenten sharping her blades and the occasional page flip of Neji reading a book. She would always remember the book's name. Not because it was a bestseller, or because it was such a famous book, but it was Neji’s favorite book, and hers as well. It was their book, _The Art of War._

**_Tell me, have you seen a sunset_**

It was sunset when she told him that she loved him. She kept waiting, and waiting, and waiting because she couldn’t find the courage to simply just pull herself together and just say the three words. 

**_Turn into a sunrise?_ **

And so she kept waiting, waiting until the perfect moment came. Except she realized that there would never be a perfect moment to say the words because she knew if she didn’t do it that day, she would have dragged it out for another day, and it would turn into a week and then a month, or a year, and then, eventually, she would just never say those three little words. 

He was sitting a couple feet in front of her, his back to the sun, and Tenten herself was facing the sun, as the sun went down. Tenten watched as Neji’s figure became a silhouette and his face faded into darkness for the moment and she took the chance, afraid to see his reaction even though she couldn’t see his face clearly in the sunset, and—

**_Kiss right through the night?_ **

_I love you, you know?_ Tenten blurted out suddenly. 

Neji was turning a page, but suddenly his hand stopped. 

Pause. No movement at all. 

Tenten squeezed her eyes shut, a tear already rolling down her cheek, knowing that she should’ve never said it, thinking, _I was so stupid, how could someone like Neji ever care for someone like me, why did I ever—_

She froze as a hand brushed her left cheek, wiping away the stray tear. 

_Tenten, please look at me,_ Neji’s voice said softly, as another hand cupped Tenten’s right cheek. _Open your eyes._ Tenten swallowed slowly. 

**_'Cause we should try that sometime_ **

Her eyes fluttered open and before she could process anything, she felt the softness of lips press again her own. Her eyes were wide open, but within moments, they were closed again. As Neji pulled back, she stared at him with wide eyes. 

_I wish you’d told me sooner,_ Neji said. _Then I wouldn’t have had to wait so long._

At that, their lips met again, this time, Tenten tilting her head to the right just a little, and soon enough it became a game of exploration between the two, with Neji taking the lead, then Tenten, then back to Neji again, and so on. 

**_Hold you 'til the morning_ **

Somewhere along the lines of kissing and cleaning up Neji’s books and her weapons, they stumbled from under the cherry blossoms, hands intertwined, down through the backstreets, to Ichiraku Ramen for dinner.

And at the end, when Neji tried to pay, they nearly started a fight over it, until the owner of the place, Teuchi-san, told them that it was on the house. They left Ichiraku Ramen hand in hand, both their faces blushing a fiery red, and with Teuchi-san behind them muttering, _Oh, how nice it would be, to be young again and in love._

**_And if I said I'm falling_ **

They walked the streets slowly, kissing under lamplights and sneaking discreet looks at the other when they thought the other wasn’t looking. There would be moments where they would catch each other’s eyes and blush furiously, only to turn back to each other and laugh at their shyness. 

Somehow, they made their way to the park, and it came to Tenten sliding down slides, and Neji at the bottom greeting her with affectionate kisses and soft remarks. Then, Tenten was sitting on the swings, not swinging, but sitting there, with Neji in front of her, leaning down to kiss her. And on the swings, light teases and gentle confessions of love were exchanged like rings between the two lovers. 

**_Would you just reply_ **

_I love you,_ Neji said, in his matter-of-fact manner. _I'll love you till the ocean is folded and hung up to dry, and the seven stars go squawking like geese about the sky._

Tenten laughed, _You’re such a romantic, Neji. I don’t remember reading those words in any of the Art of War, or anything of that sort in any of our strategy books._

Neji’s cheeks turned a soft pink. _That’s because they’re not from those books that we normally read. It’s a poem._

**_"I know you are, but what am I?"_ **

_Ah, so you do have a heart,_ Tenten teased, tapping his chest lightly before realizing what she was doing and feeling her face heat up. What happened to the tough, poker-faced Konoha weapons mistress, and who was this new girl standing in her place? 

_Woman,_ Neji stated, _if I didn’t have a heart, I wouldn’t be so in love with you right now._

With that, a wide smile broke out on Tenten’s face. _Such a sweet talker._

**_Open the door to my apartment, we get in_ **

Neji smiled and didn’t reply; instead, he leaned in again, stealing another kiss from the weapons mistress. 

Within no time, they were leaving the park, with Tenten pulling Neji’s hand, leading him toward her apartment, the one that had been left to her when her mother died on a mission several years back. With Neji there, the apartment felt a little less emptier than usual. 

It took sixteen seconds for Tenten to find the key to her apartment, and then another three tries for her to stick the key into the door and twist. 

**_Kissin' on my neck and throw your jacket to the side_ **

The two were attached together as they headed into the apartment, kissing passionately, and backing into everything, from the apartment door to the foyer wall, falling on the sofa momentarily, then getting back up to be pressed against the kitchen counter. They started to lose their clothes, little by little; his jacket, then her headband, his shirt, then her shirt, his pants, her pants. 

**_I know your heart is beating quick_ **

They were down to bare skin except for Neji’s headband, which Tenten carefully untied and placed aside. With nimble fingers, she unwrapped the bandages that covered Neji’s forehead, revealing the dark green curse mark, and placed the bandages with Neji’s headband. 

Neji self-consciously touched his own forehead and grimaced, suddenly remembering that he could never truly be a free man until he died. Therefore, he would never truly be able to love Tenten with his all. 

**_And if you put your head on my chest hear the same in mine_ **

Tenten took Neji’s hand from his forehead and traced the curse mark with her own fingers. Almost as if she knew exactly what he was thinking, she whispered, _I know you’re bound to your family. But I want you, and I’ll be happy with whatever I can get._

Those were the right words to say, because immediately, Tenten felt Neji’s lips crashing into hers again. They made their way from the kitchen counter down the hall, past the bathroom, past the guestroom, and finally, to her bedroom. And from then on, there was nothing else in between them, nothing like missions or family or fate or war or loss; no, it was just Tenten and Neji and nothing else. 

\- Flashback ends - 

**_And we'll be making love_ **

The two of them didn’t make love that night. Sure, they had been bare and sweaty and pressed against each other, but it was after another two months that they actually went that far. 

Sure, the love-making was incredible, but it was never her favorite part of spending the night with Neji; her favorite part was the post-coital bliss, with Neji tracing out the words, _I love you_ , on her back as she faced the window, gazing at the moon, and the part where she turned around and said _I love you too_ , and then Neji would start asking her questions, wanting to know the things that he had never known about her, and it all would turn into talking of a future with each other. 

Tenten looked at her phone, checking at the time, while unconsciously looking at the picture at the right corner of the collage that she had made of all her friends. There he was, Neji Hyuga in all his glory, right arm wrapped around a pouting Tenten with her hair down, and left hand holding Tenten’s hair ties up like a trophy. The grin on his face made Tenten smile, but it also made her chest ache. 

\- Flashback - 

Tenten hated a lot of things before Neji came along and changed her life. She never like birds or the sound of chirping in the mornings or hand to hand combat because she couldn’t use much ninjutsu or practice outdoors or the rain or the clouds because they blocked out the sun or ramen noodles because she was convinced that because they tasted so good they had to be unhealthy, and God, she hated, hated, _hated_ leaving her hair down because it made her look like an evil ghost instead of a normal, pretty girl. And then when her mother, her last living relative, died in front of her own eyes, Tenten swore her world turned the slightest bit monochrome and broke a little, just as her heart did. 

**_Until the sun comes up_ **

But then Neji was loving her, and suddenly, everything was changing; the sky was turning from grey to blue, Ino’s flower shop was looking more and more like an oil painting with hundreds of shades of color, and the local magpies’ wings were looking less like black and more like blue. 

Within time, Tenten grew to love the things she had once hated. She began feeding the birds, and in the morning, instead of cursing off the birds that would chirp outside her bedroom and burying her face under her pillows, she was waking before dawn at times, flinging open the windows and watching the sunrise while tying her hair up. She grew to love hand-to-hand combat and began hating herself less for her poor use of chakra and ninjutsu, and even began to prefer the open space that the great outdoors allowed for during training sessions with Gai Sensei, Lee, and Neji. The rain wasn’t so bad anymore, and kissing Neji in it was even better. The clouds weren’t so bad either; they helped keep Tenten cool when Lee would fight her with taijutsu outdoors. She came to love ramen noodles as well; they were always healthier when Neji was around, as he was an excellent chef, and would add his own ingredients, from eggs to vegetables to Furikake to smoked oysters. 

After nearly a year of dating Neji in secret, Tenten even began leaving her hair down, after the one morning when Neji spent the night and she was trying to tie up her usual twin buns. Neji grabbed her hands and gently pulled them away from her hair. 

_Why don’t you ever let your hair down,_ he asked. _I think I’ve only seen it down once outside of this apartment, and that was only because I stole your hair ties._

She had turned away. _Because it doesn’t look nice down._

**_But one day, maybe I_ **

_That’s a lie,_ he said, _I think you look beautiful._ With that, he nudged her fingers away, took the hairbrush, and brushed her hair. Tenten ended up leaving her hair down for the rest of the day. 

_Who is THAT?_ Naruto had asked incredulously when Neji walked up to their group of friends with Tenten by his side. Naruto glared threateningly at Neji. _Is that Tenten?_ He pointed accusingly at Tenten. _Who are you and what have you done to Konoha’s famed weapon mistress?_

That was when Tenten laughed out loud. Not just chuckling or snickering, but crinkle-eyed, loud, and hearty laughter. 

Sakura smacked the back of Naruto’s head. _Leave the girl be, Naruto! Or else you might wind up with my kunai up your nose._ Then turning back to Tenten, she said, _You look gorgeous, by the way, Tenten. So, what’s the plan, Neji? How come we’re having a meeting for the Konoha 11, and does that have anything to do with your hair, Ten?_

 _Huh?_ Tenten had scrunched her eyebrows in surprise. _This is supposed to be a meeting?_ She turned toward Neji, _But I thought we were all going out to celebrate something. Neji?_

Neji smiled and suddenly, Tenten realized that he had a plan of some sort. But what the plan was, she didn’t know. 

**_I could put a ring on your finger before you change your mind_ **

_Hello everyone, thanks for coming out of your way today. I have an announcement,_ Neji said slowly on purpose, seeing that everyone was anxious to find out what it was. _It’s pretty big announcement…_

_Well, get along with it!_ Ino had cried. _I’m want to know!_

 _I think it’d be better if I showed you…_ Neji stated simply. 

With that he pulled Tenten toward him, surprising Tenten, and leaned down to kiss the weapons mistress on the lips. 

Tenten was surprised by the action. After all, it had been Neji who wanted to keep their relationship a secret. But nonetheless, she figured that he knew what he was doing, and tilted her head to the right, kissing him back.

 _I knew it!_ Ino exclaimed excitedly. _Pay up Shikamaru!_

At that, Tenten pulled back a little. That was… unexpected. She turned to look at the others; some were gaping in surprise, while others were grinning gleefully. 

_Wait… what!?_ Kiba yelped loudly in surprise. Both his and Akamaru’s mouths were wide open, gaping at the couple. Sakura and Hinata both had small smiles on their faces, while Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji were exchanging money. Naruto had dropped his drink, and Lee was tearing up. Even Shino was baffled, his eyebrows rising up above the top of his glasses. 

_They bet on us,_ Tenten muttered in disbelief before turning her gaze back to Neji. 

**_Knew I was falling when I looked inside your eyes_ **

_Of course they did._ Neji smiled. _There’s one more thing, Ten._

He backed up a few steps, then got down to one knee, taking out a back from his vest pocket and holding in front of her. Tenten gasped in shock, and Ino’s loud squeal could have probably been heard from miles away. 

_Tenten, I know you once said that diamonds on rings were a pain and utter waste of space, so..._ Neji started speaking, opening the box. The glint of a simple golden ring met Tenten’s eyes, and she teared up at how attentive Neji had been about her feelings. Neji continued. _I’ve known you for exactly twelve years, two months, and seven days, and as each day passes by, I still continue to learn to love you more and more._

_I know I am not the most romantic boyfriend or the most talkative person, and I don’t know why I am even saying all of this right now, because I did not plan a speech of any sort, but here I am. I know you love watching the sunrises and eating ramen noodles and polishing your weapons in your free time and reading books of battle strategies and drawing imaginary pictures in the air with your fingers. I know you don’t like how big your scroll is sometimes and get frustrated when your ninjutsu and chakra decide to not work together and when your hair refuses to stay in its twin buns, but I love you and I want all of you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you._

**_They said, "I know you are, but what am I?"_ **

_So, please, will you do me a favor once again? Will you marry me and make the happiest man in the world?_

_Yes_ , Tenten said through her tears. _Yes, I’ll marry you, Neji._ The ring found its way to her finger and Neji’s lips found their way to her, and suddenly, they were hugging and kissing, and Neji was wiping away her tears, and their friends were cheering for them in the background, and Lee was bawling his eyes out and crying out loud, _Oh, the springtime of youth!_

And, indeed, it was no longer a meeting. The eleven of them made their way out to celebrate. 

\- Flashback ends - 

Tenten had made her way to the old training grounds now, the one where she used to spar with Neji and Lee, with Gai Sensei chanting mantras of the glory of youth in their ears. 

**_Tell me, have you seen a sunset_ **

When was the last time that Tenten had been here? It must’ve been almost two years ago, a couple weeks before the Fourth Great Shinobi World War. Two years ago, yet it seemed like only yesterday. If she closed her eyes, Tenten could still feel the ground vibrating from Neji’s Kaiten and Lee’s taijutsu chopping down trees. If she strained her ears a little more, she could even still hear Gai Sensei chanting about the glory of youth and springtime. 

**_Turn into a sunrise?_ **

When was the last time that Tenten had watched the sunrise? Probably the day that it happened. A tear made it way down her right cheek before Tenten hastily wiped it away. She knew the answer, but if she didn’t say it out loud, maybe it would feel as if he were still here. 

Sitting on one of the wooden posts, Tenten reminisced her memories. She remembered sitting there when she was younger, getting away from the hustle and bustle of the busy streets in Konoha, and just peacefully enjoying the great outdoors, while sharpening and polishing her weapons. 

**_Kiss right through the night?_ **

And at that moment, the scars on her heart from Neji’s death was ripped open again, and she realized the truth. 

There would be no more kissing through the nights, no more polishing her weapon while listening to the crinkle of pages as Neji read his books, no more of Neji tracing the words _I love you_ on her back, no more kissing in the rain or Neji’s ‘Tenten Specialty Ramen’ or pressing a kiss to Neji’s forehead before wrapping it up in bandages and then covering it with the Hitai-ate. 

**_'Cause we should try that sometime_ **

For the first time in a year, Tenten let down her barriers again and cried out loud. She wiped at her eyes with her hands, but the tears wouldn’t stop. 

_No more Neji,_ she thought. _There would be no more memories made with him._

The ring on her finger glinted brightly in the sunlight. Tenten stood and faced the direction of the woods. 

_I hate you, Neji,_ Tenten screamed at the trees. _I hate you so much, I hate you for dying, I hate you for leaving me, I hate you for lying to me and saying that we would be together forever, I hate you, I hate you, I hate..._

**_Hold you 'til the morning_ **

A sob made its way out of Tenten’s lips again, and the weapons mistress sat down on the wooden post again, curling up into a ball as sobs wracked her body. Two years ago, when she saw Neji’s broken, battered body, Tenten thought she had known what heartbreak was. But now, sitting on this wooden post, thinking about all the memories that could have been made but weren’t, the ache in her chest hurt even more. 

_Is this what heartbreak truly feels like?_ She wondered. Her tears were staining her shirt sleeve. _Maybe heartbreak was less about losing him and more about all the things that could but didn’t happen…_

**_And if I said I'm falling_ **

Tenten took off her ring, staring at the gold. The words, _I will love you forever_ , were carved on the surface of the interior of the ring, reminding Tenten that nothing gold could stay for forever. Neji was the gold in her life, and without him, she didn’t know if she could ever see her life in the same way that she had before. 

_Why was fate so cruel?_ She wondered. _Why couldn’t I just have a happy ending like Ino and Sai, or Shikamaru and Temari, or even Naruto and Hinata? I’d rather have Neji coming home late at night and alive than him being dead._

_Why couldn’t fate just let Neji live?_

**_Would you just reply_ **

A single teardrop fell from Tenten’s cheek onto the ring, before disappearing into the gold. Tenten, surprised, hastily wiped her tears away to observe the ring. To her amazement, letters were beginning to appear on the exterior surface of the ring. It seems that they had already been carved into the ring, but some type of Jutsu was cast on it so that the words were only revealed now. 

**_"I know you are, but what am I?"_ **

It took a few moments for the words to appear, but the moment Tenten realized what they said, tears began to flow again. 

_Why are you crying?_

**_What am I?_ **

_Dammit, Neji,_ Tenten yelled at the trees again. _Why would you do this? You know why._

 _You know why,_ the trees echoed her words back to her. It was almost as if Neji was answering her, _You know why I did this._ The words on the ring echoed in her head. 

_Why are you crying?_

And yes, Tenten did know why, it was just that it hurt too much for her to truly accept it. Sure, those four words had been Neji’s first words to her, but it wasn’t just that. There was an underlying meaning, Tenten knew it. But she just didn’t want to admit it. 

**_What am I?_ **

But Tenten’s mind couldn’t help but just admit it. _Neji knew he was bound to die_ , Tenten’s mind said. _He knew that our love story would never end happily, but he was willing to try._ That caused another sharp flicker of pain to go through her chest, and Tenten leaned forward, gasping at the ache. 

Once the pain receded, she slipped the ring back onto her finger, got up off the wooden post, and started running again. Not jogging this time, but sprinting. Maybe the soreness in her legs would distract her from the soreness in her chest.

_Why are you crying?_

At that, she tripped over a fallen branch, crashing into a small pile of orange and red leaves and landing hard on her right arm. Tenten lifted her right arm, examining it. A gash ran down the side of her forearm, blood dripping from it. The sting brought tears to her eyes, but this time, Tenten wouldn’t let them fall. At least the ring hadn’t been harmed. And, hey, maybe if she started crying again, she could blame it on the gash on her arm. 

**_What am I?_ **

Tenten remembered that Neji sometimes asked that question in the middle of the night when he was staying over at her apartment when he thought that she was asleep. 

_What am I?_ He’d whisper at the ceiling, lying on his back, with an arm extended above his, almost as if reaching out toward something he couldn’t have. _What am I?_ He’d say quietly, as Tenten would lie facing him, her eyes just barely open, but opened just wide enough to see his actions. 

Tenten knew what Neji’s answer would be. He didn’t need to say anything. The curse mark on his forehead was enough of an indicator. 

In fact, even when other people introduced him, they always referred to him as, Neji, nephew of Hiashi Hyuga, Neji, genius of the Hyuga clan, or Neji, member of the branch family, and now, Neji, the shinobi who saved Naruto and Hinata in the Fourth Great Shinobi World War. He always questioned who he was, even though he insisted that fate had already predetermined who he was. 

**_Tell me, have you seen a sunset_ **

At that, Tenten’s heart constricted again; Neji was dead, and he would never get to be defined as anything else. Neji would never be called the hero who saved the world by sacrificing himself; he would never be called the warrior with leather skin but a soft heart; he would never be called the boy who once helped a lost girl called Tenten at a train station and ended up marrying her. He would never get to call Tenten his wife, and Tenten would never get to call the bright-eyed shinobi her husband. 

Without even knowing it, her feet were leading her to Ino’s flower shop. Tenten stood out front, gazing at the bright flowers as the tears clouded her vision. The once pretty and bright colors of the flower petals faded into monotone pastels and cloudy hues. 

**_Turn into a sunrise?_ **

_Yes, I have,_ Tenten wanted to say, to scream even. The dying leaves rippled as a breeze blew by, its oranges and reds all blurring together with the pale flowery hues by Ino’s store into a blur in Tenten’s teary eyes. 

**_Kiss right through the night?_ **

_I have seen the sunsets turn into sunrises. I’ve kissed him through the night. I-I know what it’s like._

She knew what it was like to be in love, to feel like she was loved and that she belonged. But she also knew the pain it brought, the loneliness of loss, the feeling of hopelessness. 

She dragged her feet into the store, the bell jingling. 

**_'Cause we should try that sometime_ **

_Ino,_ Tenten choked on a sob, nearly tripping and falling to her knees while looking up. There was a customer at the cash register, but the blonde quickly finished up, excused herself, and hurried to Tenten's side, taking Tenten’s arm and guiding her to the backroom as the customer left. 

**_Hold you 'til the morning_ **

Ino soothing words washed over Tenten, but the one earbud still tucked in Tenten’s left ear made it easy for the words to go right over her head. _Let it out, Tenten,_ Ino murmured, _I know it hurts._ At that, the dam broke, and Tenten’s body heaved with sobs once again. 

_I wish I had never met him or looked at him or spoke to him,_ Tenten whispered, clutching onto Ino’s arm like it was a lifeline. _I wish I never saw his eyes, I wish we were never partners or friends or lovers, I wish he never held me, I wish I never loved him and I wish it would all just stop hurting so much._

**_And if I said I'm falling_ **

Ino brushed Tenten’s hair back while lifting up the weapon mistress’s bleeding arm. _I know you don’t mean any of that, Tenten. I can’t say I know how you feel, but I know Neji— not as well as I wish I had, but I know he wouldn’t want you to be like this._ The blonder sat Tenten down onto the sofa before moving to the medicine cabinet a few feet away and grabbing some supplies. Then, she returned to Tenten’s side. 

_It doesn’t matter,_ Tenten’s voice cracked as Ino dabbed at her right forearm with a moist cloth, wiping away the blood and residue dirt. _He’s not here anymore. He’s never coming back. I’m never going to see him again._

**_Would you just reply_ **

_Ten…_ Ino’s voice was impossibly soft, but that simply just made Tenten cry harder. 

_I can’t sleep, Ino,_ Tenten cried. _I can’t sleep without thinking about him or dreaming about him or waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares about his dead body._ She hiccuped. _I can’t sleep or eat or work or do anything without thinking about him._

**_"I know you are, but what am I?"_ **

_Tenten, it takes time,_ Ino tried to reassure the older girl. She tossed the cloth that she had used to wipe Tenten’s arm before applying some ointments. Then, she carefully lifted Tenten’s arm and began wrapping it in gauze. _You know it doesn’t work that quickly, Ten._ Ino rubbed circles into Tenten’s back, transferring some of her own chakra to the older girl’s body to calm her down. The weapon mistress hiccuped again, the sobs receding into lighter hiccups.

Meanwhile, Tenten continued to express her frustrations. 

**_Tell me, have you seen a sunset_ **

_Ino, it’s been two years. TWO years. Two years, and here I am, sobbing about him like it was, God, I don’t even know._ Tenten shook her head. _L-like it was yesterday that it happened._ A sob made its way out of her throat. _God, and that message, how dare he leave that stupid message for me. Like he already knew he was going to die._

 _What message?_ Ino asked, genuinely curious. _I thought he didn’t leave any._

**_Turn into a sunrise?_ **

Tenten snorted ungracefully. _That’s what I thought too._ She took off her ring and held it out to Ino. _But if you think again, does he look like the kind to not leave a message?_

Ino turned the golden ring slowly, reading the words carved on it. _Why are you crying?_ The blonde’s eyes widened. _I- Neji… I don’t know what to say, Ten._ She gently handed the ring back to Tenten. 

**_Kiss right through the night?_ **

_There’s nothing left to say._ Another tear ran down Tenten’s cheek. _I don’t know what to do, Ino. Sometimes, I feel like— like it would all be so much easier if I— if I just—_

 _No, Tenten,_ Ino said firmly. _Don’t. Please don’t. Don’t even think about doing that. Think, Tenten! Think about how Lee would feel, how Gai Sensei would feel. How all of your friends and I would feel. She swallowed thickly. We know you’re hurting, and we’re not asking you to move on and find a new person or anything. We just want you to treat yourself right. I want to heal your heart but I can’t, and only you can. I just want you to not hurt yourself in the process of doing it._

**_'Cause we should try that sometime_ **

Tenten blinked, staring at the window through her tears. The leaves were sure pretty, even it felt as though they were looking more grey than orange. _Who knew death could look so pretty, even in greyscale?_ Her gaze moved from the window to Ino’s worried expression. _I…_ her throat felt dry, but she needed to get the words out. But she couldn’t. _I…_

 _Stay here,_ Ino said. _I’m going to get you a drink_. Tenten gave a small nod, wiping at her tears, still hiccuping. Ino moved away. 

**_Hold you 'til the morning_ **

Tenten's gaze returned to the window again, except she wasn’t really looking at the window or through it. No, she was still stuck in her mind, with all the memories of Neji that she would have to carry with her for the rest of her life. 

_Hold you ‘til the morning…_ She thought as the song played in her ear. _I’ll never be able to hold you again._ She curled up into a ball again, her arms arm around her legs. _I wish I could just hold you in my arms again. I would give anything to hold you close again._

**_And if I said I'm falling_ **

A warm mug of tea was pushed into her left hand. Tenten lifted it to her mouth, taking a small sip. It was bitter, and her face scrunched at the taste as she moved it away from her mouth. 

_Tenten, please drink it_ , Ino pleaded. _It’ll help you rest._

 _Fine._ Tenten lifted the mug to her lips again, tilting it and downing the entire cup at once. The effect was immediate. Tenten fought to keep her eyes open, but the darkness was taking over her vision quickly. She leaned back, sliding sideways. Ino carefully caught her and laid her down on the sofa. 

**_Would you just reply?_ **

Tenten caught a glimpse of pink hair as her eyes fluttered open and close rapidly. 

_Hey, you called— is that Tenten?!_ Sakura’s voice filled the room. _What happened?!_ When Tenten’s eyes fluttered open one more time, her vision was filled with the concerned face of Sakura looking down at her. Then, her eyes fluttered closed again. She wasn’t out yet, but she would be soon, she knew it. 

_I’m not sure, that’s why I called you to see if you could help,_ Ino’s voice washed over her. Tenten could hear the worry in her voice. _I think she might have been out jogging and something reminded her of Neji. When she came in here she was bleeding and really upset about this message she found on her ring._

**_"I know you are, but what am I?"_ **

The last line was played into her ear before the music stopped and the earbud was removed from her ear. Soon enough, the Sakura and Ino’s voices were blending together into a dull buzzing sound that soon became part of the background noise in Tenten’s head. Tenten’s body relaxed as she finally accepted the darkness. There was one last thought that passed through her mind before she fell into a dreamless slumber. 

_Neji… what am I without you?_

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to lie; I'm not a true Naruto fan. I've recently been watching it with my younger cousin, and there's just some parts of Naruto and Boruto that are simply just so thought out and well-made, and all of the characters have such distinct personalities and traits. However, I really dislike how little screentime Tenten gets. And I wish we got to see more of her interacting with Neji. 
> 
> Whatever. 
> 
> Neji and Tenten will always belong together in my heart. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this piece.


End file.
